The story in one page
Alfred Salteena, a man of forty-two with a vague air of inferiority, wants to become a gentleman. He invites Ethel Monticue to accompany him to stay with his friend Bernard Clark, hoping to refine his manners. Bernard, however, finds Ethel much more appealing than his guest. As Salteena seeks a title from the Earl of Clincham, Ethel and Bernard fall in love amidst fancy hotels and velvet coats. The characters marry, reproduce at high speed, and settle into their respective versions of domestic bliss or agitation, leaving Salteena to ponder what might have been.
Who's who
- Alfred Salteena
An awkward social climber who dreams of being a gentleman.
- Ethel Monticue
A young girl with a peculiar, rhythmic gait that involves swinging her arms and throwing her legs out behind her.
- Bernard Clark
A well-dressed gentleman who wins the heart of Ethel.
- Earl of Clincham
A twinkly-eyed aristocrat who provides Salteena with social access.
What it's really about
- Social mobility
- Attaining status through top hats and proper speech.
- Romance
- Marriage matches often decided by erratic whims.
Why it's memorable
- Salteena attempting to look dignified while wearing a velvet coat.
- Minnit the butler being instructed to manage the silver and gout.
The ending, explained
Spoilers — show the ending
The protagonists settle into large, chaotic families. While Bernard finds happiness, Salteena retreats into a noisy, annoying marriage and regrets his failure to wed Ethel.
For your book club
- The narrative thrives on a nine-year-old's interpretation of adult power.
- Marriage is presented as a transaction with heavy domestic consequences.